KCA (Un)Reliability TrialOctober 26, 2014
Let me be clear from the start. This title in no way reflects the KCA. The event is well run with dedicated volunteers each time and is run over a great course.
This story could have easily been called “Attack Of The Hairy Beasts” or “The Gimp Man Cometh”
Before we even got to the start 5 of our number had already dropped out due to family commitments, work commitments, illness, upcoming (short notice) operations, or in Mark Morrison’s case, the wind was blowing (possibly).
Parking was it’s usual great state – There was none, which left Lol trying to find anywhere in the vicinity, meaning we would be off to a late start.
Eventually we got rolling, and a decent pace was set. Within 3 miles or so, we found Ex-West Kenter Steve “Chewie” Trudgill at the side of the road, having been left to mend a puncture. For those new to the club, Steve’s nickname was born from the amount of hair on his legs resembling The Mighty Wookie – Chewbacca (Hairy Beast No.1). He jumped into our group and we continued over the next 20 miles or so at an average around 18.5mph.
That was until Steve picked up his 2nd puncture of the day – and using the last of his spare tubes – can you see where this is going yet?
Once fixed, we continued through the 2nd checkpoint and up Challock Hill before re-grouping and continuing on, for a bit anyway!
Guess what happened next. Yes, Steve had another puncture, so we stopped to fix that, with a tube kindly donated by Steve R. We were soon(ish) rolling again, before – hang on what was it? Oh yes, Steve had a puncture – AGAIN! A tube donated by Alex this time round.
Now as you will see from the Title choices, this is where “The Gimp Man Cometh” was dreamt up. Steve had now collected so much rubber from spent inner tubes in his jersey pockets, that it was clear he’d be turning them into a full gimp suit, complete with mask and rubber underpants when he got home.
Thankfully that was the last of the punctures…………for a while at least!
The next event is where the other title choice was thought of.
We were riding at a good steady pace, two abreast along a WIDE country road. A single horse and rider was approaching from the opposite direction. There was no sneaking up behind, no flying past without calling out from a fair distance, but the horse decided to get spooked and start doing Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk across the road, causing the group to brake and swerve violently, putting yours truly into the grass verge/hedge. Mack, when you get a chance could you please root around for my front wheel, I think it’s up your a**e.
I lay there for a while in pain. The horse rider had the barefaced cheek to shout at us saying we should “give her more room”
Give her more room! I’ll give you more room lady – TRY A FIELD OR A PADDOCK. If your animal is so unreliable on the public highway as to cause an accident then it shouldn’t be there. I have two words for you “Glue” and “Factory”
Thanks to you whoever you are, as you didn’t bother to stop to see if I was okay, I have heavy bruising on my right thigh, heavy bruising on my left knee, a torn race cape (£80 if you read this, feel guilty and would like to help out) and worst of all torn shoulder ligaments, meaning I can’t move, I can’t sleep and I have the worst headaches I’ve ever experienced. In fact I have three more words “Copydex”, “Pritt” and “Stick”. Unfortunately the law does not cover any accident with a hayburner, unless it results in hospital attendance direct from the scene of the accident. “UHU”.
We were 20 miles from home and I could now barely turn a pedal, the muscle damage causing me cramp, the shoulder damage meaning the headaches were really taking it out of me.
I’d like to thank Lol, and Steve R for stopping and waiting and riding with me back to the finish, well outside our time limit – due to the amount of punctures and a crash. I wouldn’t mind but we waited for someone not even in our club – words need to be had here ;-).
We rolled back to our vehicles, and just for good measure Chewie had another puncture!